I don't understand how she can hate something that I love so much. She's 14. When I was her age, I loved personal progress. My parents never had to coax me to work on it. I just did it, enjoyed it, and had meaningful experiences with it. Naturally, I thought she would be the same. Her first six months in Young Women, I didn't bother her about it. She did nothing. The next year-and-a-half I reminded, encouraged, rewarded, begged, sat and did it with her . . . but it's just another box to check, a chore that mom wants her to do. My prodding wasn't helping. I decided to stop nagging and let her choose to do it on her own. Now, six months later, nothing has been accomplished.
This weekend I started with "you know, Personal Progress brings you closer to the Savior". Nice try. Sunday morning I suggested (admittedly, I announced) that it was time to work on Personal Progress. She threw a fit -- whined like my 3-year-old and dragged herself across the floor to her room to get the book. All she needed to do was write in her journal about her Individual Worth #4 experience (she participated in a school band concert) . After 20 minutes of whining and 3 minutes of silence she brought it to me to pass off. Her journal stated "I wanted to quit band, but my mom wouldn't let me. Now I'm a better flute player."
I think I'm most heart-broken because she doesn't want to be like me.
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My daughter just turned 12 in October and hasn't shown any interest in PP yet... I hope it's not a repeat of her Faith in God progress. LOL
ReplyDeleteGREAT SITE!! Thank you!!
Wow, I am so glad I am not alone! My daughter is 17 and refuses to do anything related to the PP! I didn't have the opportunity to do this when I was a child so I thought this would be fun to do with her....little did I know she had and still has no intentions on doing it. What can we do except encourage them? I am still going to work on it for myself. Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it great to know that you can earn the PP later in life. Not an excuse of course to put it off, but just nice to know that we all can have the opportunity to earn it and to grow from doing so.
ReplyDeleteMany, many, years ago I was the YW president and 3 of my 5 daughters were in the program (20 yrs ago). My oldest was in the beginning of her last year of Laurels. This was the year they change Yw Personal Progress to the Values and introduced the Projects that were suppose to be 30 hours. She had earned everything up to that point. She and the other Laurels were upset as they had to do more things now. I made a deal that they only had to do 1 project and the rest of the other Laurel requirements and they could get their Medallion. The other girls were fine, my daughter was not. Well 20 years later and she still hasn't earned her Medallion. We laugh about it now but then it was upsetting to me. I finally realized that this was her choice, I could encourage her as well as the other leaders but in the end it would mean nothing to her if I did it for her or if she was forced. It would just be another piece of jewelry. The girls may catch the spirit but if they don't it doesn't make them a failure. One thing is the activities they have usually do help with some of the experiences but the last thing you want, if she is attending YW, is to force this as she may say forget it and walk away from the whole program. Just encourage but they need to know you may be disappointed but you still love them and they are still wonderful. "}
ReplyDeleteThat is too bad but maybe it's just something she'll have to learn the hard way. I guess only you can decide if it's worth it to keep pushing her. It doubt she if feeling the spirit. I really appreciate your website and your willingness to share. My husband did Scouts when he was a kid because he knew he should to please his parents and leaders. His younger brother did not like it and his parents didn't make him. They are both grown, very responsible fathers, worthy priesthood holders, and have been a scout leaders and they both loved it. So either way they can grow into reponsible, happy adults. But I can understand your disappointment and concern at the same time.
ReplyDeleteCarol...my Sidney is the same way..She has an hour to work every Sunday on personal progress and it is usually me pushing her to do it all. I refuse to use the bribery system I used with Jess. I just keep hoping she will want to do it. But I keep the hour on Sunday becasue all my other kids work on their stuff too. Sid is the only one that gives me trouble.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard, but try not to take it too personal that she doesn't want to be like you. I think most girls would say they don't want to be like their mom. At that age, they see our flaws almost too well, and they NEVER want to be like that! ;-) At the slightest inkling that they could be like us, they practically loose it!
ReplyDeleteFortunately this too, in time will pass. It may take a while, but hold on! It will get better. Just keep doing your deep knee bends! (Prayer) ;-)
Maybe the other YW leaders can help to motivate her to do PP. Hang in there!
My name Mary Ann Hatch and you don't know me but I love your blog. My son Elder Hatch is serving in the Wahiawa area and I follow the ward blog and stumbled onto your website. I am the young women's president in my ward here in Salt Lake and it is a struggle here as well. I love all your ideas. I wish I could get my girls motivated to work on their goals. I am going to try some of your ideas and see if it helps. Thanks so much.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a thought...I am just learning about this whole parenting thing, so take it as you may. It is called "personal" progress for a reason. Some girls might not like to do things the conventional way. Is there ways your daughter likes to express herself, like maybe getting into her own blog and journaling her expieriences, or through poetry or something that is a little different than writing in her journal? Maybe if she found her own way to do PP she might find it rewarding. We have a YW that is against doing things the way she is asked. I know it says "write in your journal" but I am sure her leaders wouldn't mind if she was doing it in some way??? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like it is kind of a power struggle between you. Try this - apologize for forcing her to do this. Tell her how important it is to you and bear your testimony of how valuable it will be in her life. Then let her know it is her decision. You can't force her to do it. I say better to have a good relationship than to have a daughter who has completed it. It truly is PERSONAL and so we can't force anyone to do it.
ReplyDelete